Break if you must…


Is it ok to collectively admit that sometimes we break?

Sometimes things collide towards you all at once, and in those moments your only balance is yourself. You can very well reach a place where even your pillars can’t save you and no one understands but your heart.

Even when you know God (or believe in another higher power), you may still feel lost and alone. I’ve learnt that it’s better to admit to yourself that you’re not ok and to just allow yourself to crumble and crumble all the way. Break so you can rebuild and the rebuilding might take a little longer.

Photo: Nicholle Kobi

The process alone may leave you with questions of “how did I even get here?” And whilst in that process you learn that strength is also found in vulnerability. Vulnerability might be shared with people you don’t know, and strangely they easily and without hesitation extend the right words and the most presence.

This place is an odd place to cross, because it’s where solitude is peace and grief at the same time yet distinctive. Both are beautifully fragrant with discoveries of yourself. Here you easily fall in love with learning new pathways of yourself and everything around you becomes new.

Upon further reflection, my first question is amiss because perhaps we cannot collectively admit to what we’ve experienced differently. Or rather admitting to not knowing how to express faith in tough times is unpopular because at most we should keep up appearances in case you see another human.  Maybe the world of social media has tricked us into believing that no one truly goes through anything, and that we all simply glide through life having issues like ‘there’s no feta cheese for the salad’ when in fact there are things unexplained that collect every emotion from you only to leave you with a worship of something greater than you.

Photo: Nicholle Kobi

Kate Spade passed away a few weeks ago, an American designer and businesswoman. Her death was confirmed as suicide. A few days later Anthony Bourdain, an American celebrity chef, television personality and author also passed on having committed suicide. For someone like me who does not take from much, hearing that a successful businesswoman committed suicide sounds uncanny, or that a well-traveled chef who shared the greatest cuisines on beautiful shores with epic scenery did the very same. Why when you had so much, right? Well no, we all have struggles and at most the biggest war you’d have to fight is with yourself. And maybe loving yourself means to love yourself enough to appreciate moments that simply do not make sense to you.

Those moments will come. They may come in overwhelming waves, where you are right now does not equal your desires and it’s not as if you’re not trying. It may even be that you have access to everything needed but there are still too many voids. Shouldn’t love begin right there? Maybe the greater extension of love is not to only say I love you at your weakest or worst maybe it’s also to say I don’t know how to love you right now but I am going to love you anyway. It’s not to accept but to take the process. There are cups we must drink not to our will, yet with the trust of a coming glory.

Check on your people, ask them how they are and really mean it. Sit and seek to open everything they would close and by ‘open’ you could just simply sit with them in silence and that would be enough. And maybe I am thinning this call by referring to just your people, be kind to everyone.

Photo: Nicholle Kobi

Be kind always. Show courtesy to everyone you meet no matter who or what standard they hold. With every and any encounter had with a human being seek to be kind first. Be kind even to people who lied about your name for their benefit, to people who hurt you and you forgave with no apology. Be kind.

However, the main point of this write up is; break when you must, it’s ok. Break as often as you need to. A front will not save you, more importantly it cannot change you. Breaking is usually where you grow.

Photo: Nicholle Kobi